One day wolverin was boring, didn't know to do with so much money was so rich that he gave the silver. I call his friend Cyclops that day at night and told him to make a party, but not one party either but something different than normal, making a party on a yacht, then a wolverin liked the idea and told him that tomorrow would buy the best yacht in Cali and thus, the next day I had the most expensive yacht in Cali and the world.
Cyclops as saw that wolverin was willing to do the party began to organize everything and to invite all friends of wolverin even their enemies archi, but did not have that that would end with the party.
Already they were almost 10 o'clock, the guests were almost complete but only missing the archi enemies, the atmosphere was pleasant, wolverin was already a little drunk and was behaving as a woman "doing ridiculous". A moment where they arrived the archi enemies, wolverin transformed and began the fight, not I wanted them but his friend Cyclops did not consider the opinion of wolverin, the term party a disaster until wolverin wanted to kill everyone and decided to indirect end yacht. They died happy forever and wolverin mutant prison.
Mistakes:
ReplyDelete- "wolverin"
- "didn't know to do with"
- "he gave the silver"
- " I call his friend Cyclops"
- "but not one party either but something different than normal" (confusing sentence)
- "then a wolverin "
- " I had the most expensive "
- "Cyclops as saw that wolverin "
- "enemies archi"
- "archi enemies"
- "wolverin was already"
- " A moment where they arrived the archi enemies"
- "not I wanted them but his friend Cyclops did not consider the opinion of wolverin" (confusing sentence)
- "the term party"
- " decided to indirect end yacht"
- " wolverin mutant prison."
Dear James, your story has many grammatical mistakes that makes it almost impossible to read it or understand it. I understood some ideas and the essence of what you want to say but it was a little bit difficult.
Besides, your story contains an amount of violence and chauvinism like in the expression: "behaving as a woman: doing ridiculous" and that is not very positive.
1. Character = You didn't describe much Wolverine, only that he was rich but no more.
2. Challenge = Having a party is not like a real challenge.
3. Motivation = Actually, there wasn't a real motivation for him, he just wanted to party.
4. Setting = OK.
5. Obstacles = Wolverine didn't have many obstacles, everything was very easy for him.
6. Climax = Everything is expected in the story so there is not a climax included.
7. Ending = The impression is that you wanted to finish the story fast so that's why you finished in that way :S
Mr, you tried but you have to try to be more creative and include all the elements I explained during the class. It was a nice try!!!