Once upon a
time, in a faraway kingdom, a giant castle, the grape soda castle where lived
Federico the prince of the grape sodas. Inside his castle everything was
purple, flowers, sugar, curtains, fags and every grape soda that lived there.
But Federico didn’t have friends, only his best friend ever the green and flier
dog called Gomita. Although Gomita made him happy with its company, it wasn’t
enough because Federico had other problem, he was the only oversized soda and
his dream always was being of a normal size like the other sodas.
One day,
Federico was walking in the purple garden thinking about how to make friends;
he thought that the other sodas didn’t like to be with him just only for being
a little fat, when he saw that the sky was grey and in a moment over a thousand
of cherry sodas burglars took with them his dog, Gomita and he couldn’t do
anything. He was terrified; his best friend didn’t be with him, so in that
instead he was the unhappiest soda ever.
After hours
of think how to rescue Gomita, Federico had a great idea. He decided to collect
all his grape soldiers and go to the cherry soda castle, when they arrived to
the castle (that as you could imagine was pink), Federico requested to talk one
minute with Sury the princess of the cherry sodas. His request was accepted, and when the both were in the room
alone, they started to discuss, even so they said each other horrible things
but at the end, Sury said to Federico that he always would be fat. After that
the prince felt very sad and cried a lot, when the princess saw Federico crying
she felt very sad and guilty too, therefore she apologized with he and returned
Gomita.
At the end
of the day Federico had is best friend with him and a new friend, also he wasn’t
be the unhappiest soda ever because he understood that there is nothing more
better than loving yourself as the way you are.
Mistakes:
ReplyDelete- "fags" (impolite word)
- "his best friend didn’t be with him"
- "of think"
- "she apologized with he"
- "Federico had is best friend with him"
- "he wasn’t be"
- "more better"
Dear Andrea, it was really cool to read your story, all the characters that you created and the way you wrote about all the elements given in class.
The grammar was excellent, you made some mistakes but nothing to worry about :)
1. Character = You gave a wide description of the characters you created.
2. Challenge = You stated the challenge really clearly.
3. Motivation = Very explicit.
4. Setting = Well described.
5. Obstacles = You commented indeed the obstacles Federico had.
6. Climax = This was the weakest part of your story because I didn't feel a real tension.
7. Ending = Good message
I hope Fede never change because every person is beautiful in his own way as you said!!! :)
-"Straws"
Delete-"His best friend wasn't with him"
-"Of thinking"
-"She apologized with him"
-"Federico had his best friend with him"
-"He wasn't"
-"Better"