THE UGLY MONKEY
There was once a very handsome monkey that
everyone wanted and appreciated by his way of being with others. One day the
monkey went with friends to celebrate because it was a very special day as the
best friend of the monkey was fulfilling years. The monkey was driving the car
and were speeding because he loved the adrenaline suddenly passed a red light
and hit the truck. Monkey woke up in a hospital not knowing what had happened and
looked around and there was nobody with him. The monkey felt very sad that I
did not understand why he was alone and delivery nurse, gave her a mirror, I
looked and saw that his face was disfigured.
Time passed and the handsome monkey became the
ugly monkey that nobody wanted. The ugly monkey no longer had to talk to and
felt very sad, then thought I could do for all to return to love and so he had
the wonderful idea of turning the
elephants of his time to the prehistoric mammoths. Began to create a machine in
his laboratory and for his magnificent first invention. The hardest part was
finding an elephant and upload it to your palm where he had his secret lab.
First I had to create an elevator up to the elephant and then and everything
was very easy. The Ugly Monkey Made a substance that allowed him to alter genes
Elephant and so to make hem mammoths.
His invention was successful and the ugly monkey
became a famous monkey and everybody wanted and appreciation as before. It was
the first monkey at convert an elephant into a prehistoric mammoth and the
monkey returned to be very happy.
By: Diego Cano.
Posted by: Teacher Jorge (With Diego's permission)
Mistakes:
ReplyDelete- "was fulfilling years"
- "were speeding"
- "that I did not understand"
- "I looked and saw that his face was disfigured"
- "I could do for all to return "
- "to your palm"
- "First I had to create an elevator"
- "so to make hem mammoths."
- "and appreciation as before"
- "the first monkey at convert"
Mr. Diego, I am very impressed with your story because you didn't do many mistakes and you used a very understandable vocabulary. In addition to this, you used many expressions in a correct way.
Your story shows how people can become different if you change something of your physical appearance lr personality and that is too sad.
I think the connection between the invention and the bad event that lived the monkey is not very coherent, for me it was more a way to connect the elements but you needed to be more creative, but that is my personal opinion.
1. Character = Good description.
2. Challenge = The challenge is very optimistic and it has a purpose.
3. Motivation = I think the motivation is important because the Monkey lived something horrible, so he wanted to be beloved again.
4. Setting = OK.
5. Obstacles = OK.
6. Climax = The story didn't take to a real climax because there is not like a crucial situation.
7. Ending = The ending is different, because Monkey recovered the love of the people with an invention and I don't know if that is a positive or a negative message.
Mr, I think you could use more imaginative elements in your story because the grammar structures are great and I really consider your progress but you could have included more dynamic elements in your story :).
1. Was in his birthday,
ReplyDelete2. Was speeding.
3. And he didn´t understand,
4. He looked and saw that his face was disfigured,
5. What can I do to make that they accept me again?
6. To his palm tree.
7.First the monkey created an elevator.
8. To transform them into mammoths.
9. Appreciated him as before.
10. The first monkey that converted.