The dreamy president
One day in a country called Kelome it's habitants were hard
workers and enterprising but these were missing something very important that
was happiness because it gives them strength to move forward in all their goals
and achievements they have in mind, Kelome had 50 departments which 10 were
wild jungles where strange animals such as squirrels, armadillos, giraffes,
cats, sleepy bears, parrots, pigeons, bats, horses and lizards lived.
The dream of the president was to give a cat to each of the
families of Kelome to make them most happy therefore had to catch each of the
cats in this department for all families in this country.
The president Angela thought many days in a plan to trap all
the cats, the plan would be carried out in the following manner, the cats would
be deceived because their final destination was unable to reach the great aim
but a trap that the president had planned . The time came and the race began,
all cats compete to reach the goal but the president in the middle of the race
diverted all these cats where naively fell and were trapped.
The next day each family has outside his home a beautiful
gift containing a cat which was essential in the lives of every citizen to be
happy, the whole country change for the better, all thanked the president for
that tender and beautiful cat and so they all lived happily ever after.
By: Julieth Rivera
Mistakes:
ReplyDelete- "called Kelome it's habitants were"
- "make them most happy"
- "in the following manner,"
- "each family has outside"
- "country change for the better"
Dear Julieth, I liked your story, it was a complicated topic but you made it funny and really understandable, who don't love cats? :)
Now, your challenge is to correct the mistakes I found in your story, but it is not necessary to re-post it, you can reply to this comment explaining the correction.
1. Character = OK
2. Challenge = OK
3. Motivation = OK
4. Setting = OK
5. Obstacles = You specified a lot, that was good.
6. Climax = You tried to create a climax but everything happened so easily that I think you were not able to take the reader to a real climax.
7. Ending = OK
Good story!!!
PS: I couldn't see the image you posted it, I don't know why! :S
Owwwn I Really love the cats!
ReplyDeleteIf the president gives me a cat, I will vote for her. (?)
:3
Correction
ReplyDelete- "named Kelome its habitats were"
- "make them happier"
- "in the following way"
- "each family had outside"
- "country changed for better"
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete