One of many mornings Louis fought with his wife ring the phone, Louis answered and the message he received was: "NASA has called for a reconnaissance mission to Mars" Ximena Louis begged him not to go to this mission because it was very dangerous, but he accepted the call.
Louis had to go to Merrit Island where is the NASA`s launch pad 39, Ximena accompany him to Merrit Island, they were to travel on plane but when they were at the “guard international airport” were informed them that their flight was canceled, so they began a travel to the island in the beloved Louis`s Ferrari, they must traverse the entire east coast.
When they reached Richmond Ximena asked stopping to eat something but Louis did not stop, in other city called Dinwwidie there was a bar and Louis stop to eat something but Ximena would not go out because there were mare men and looked maliciously to she,so Ximena asked to Louis if he could bring food, but he not wanted; they followed the path and Ximena have complained by the contractions and Louis shouting for she made silence, Louis driving all night and the next day, the second night of travel Louis arrived at a Motel in Jacksonville, Ximena said that shouldn`t pass the night there because it was a very dangerous place but Louis shouting to she. The morning found striped the beloved red Ferrari beloved, Louis blame to Ximena, followed the journey were coming to Orlando when Ximena asked to Louis if he accelerate that had broken font, Louis the scream and hard braking, a truck was back collided the Ferrari, Louis angry hit too much to Ximena because he believed that everything bad that happened was her fault, she scaped running, and a car carried her to a hospital in Orlando; Louis had hurry so no care the damage to the Ferrari, sped up until he arrived to Florida, where NASA officials hoped.
Louis arrived to the complex installations launch 39 and trained hard; while Ximena was on a hospital in Colorado, she was on intensive care, crying and was very sore from the blows gives by her husband, a doctor approaches her, he sits to a side of her bed, takes her hand and says “I`m sorry” ...
Louis is preparing for the travel to Mars, once in the space shuttle started countdown to ignition ... 30-29-28-27 ... 3-2-1-ignition ... and the island heard a loud "boom"…
Ximena shattered returns to her apartment in Manhattan, to calm her pain she get drunk and then see the balcony and...
BY: LUIS FELIPE ACOSTA
POSTED BY: TEACHER JORGE (with Acosta's permission)
Mistakes:
ReplyDelete- " in Manhattan fought with Ximena"
- "wifem"
- "it was morning so Ximena claimed to he."
- "his wife ring the phone"
- "Ximena Louis begged him"
- "Ximena accompany him"
- "were informed them"
- "Louis followed by the rout"
- "Louis ignored so Ximena"
- "Louis did stop and got out of the car, Louis the insult"
- "Ximena go up on truck"
- "Louis invite to Ximena get on "
- "When they reached Richmond Ximena asked"
- "Louis stop"
- "Ximena would not go out "
- "looked maliciously to she"
- "Ximena asked to Louis if he could bring food, but he not wanted"
- "Ximena have complained"
- "Louis shouting for she made silence"
- "Louis shouting to she"
- "Louis blame to Ximena"
- "Ximena asked to Louis if he accelerate that had broken font"
- "Louis the scream and hard braking"
- "she get drunk and then see the balcony and..."
And.... ???? I can't believe it. -_-
The story was so great and you just stopped it :( . I want to know what happened to Ximena and Louis :/ :(
Mr, I understood the story but some parts are just too tangled and confusing because of the structure of the sentences, so you have to be careful with the tenses (present and past), expressions and especially the punctuation.
1. Character = You described Louis a lot but you didn't give much information about Ximena.
2. Challenge = OK
3. Motivation = Louis just wanted money and no more, poor Ximena :(
4. Setting = Well explained.
5. Obstacles = Wow, you included a lot of obstacles and with a wide description of them
6. Climax = This is one of the few stories that have a climax because you give very specific details in each paragraph.
7. Ending = For me, it was the best... An unfinished story :(
Mr, I could see you did a great effort in your story and the pictures and the way you organized the size of the words in each paragraph was very good.
I have to congratulate you for your own blog, I really liked it. :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
Delete• in Manhattan fought with Ximena: in Manhattan, fought with Ximena
ReplyDelete• wifem: wife
• it was morning so Ximena claimed to he: it was morning, so Ximena demanded his explanation
• his wife ring the phone: his wife, ring the phone
• Ximena Louis begged him: ximena begged him.
• Ximena accompany him: Ximena accompanied
• were informed them: them were informed
• Louis followed by the rout: Louis followed by the route
• Louis ignored so Ximena: Louis ignored to ximena
• Louis did stop and got out of the car, Louis the insult: Louis did stop and got out of the car, Louis insulted her
• Ximena go up on truck: Ximena climbed to truck
• Louis invite to Ximena get on: louis invite to Ximena into the car
• When they reached Richmond, Ximena asked: When they reached Richmond, Ximena asked
• Louis stop: Louis brake the car
• Ximena would not go out: ximena not left the car
• looked maliciously to she: ¿?
• Ximena asked to Louis, if he could bring food, but he not wanted: ¿?
• Ximena have complained: Ximena has complained
• Louis shouting for she made silence: Louis shouted for she made silence
• Louis shouting to she: louis shouted
• Louis blame to Ximena: Louis blamed to ximena
• Ximena asked to Louis if he accelerate that had broken font: Ximena asked to Louis if he accelerate, because she had broken font
• Louis the scream and hard braking: Louis the shouted her and hard braked
• She get drunk and then see the balcony and...: ¿?