Monday, June 9, 2014

The Lazy Invisible Dog

Once upon a time a very lazy dog that play videogames everyday in his summer house in Mars. he had a Xbox in wich he played all the day videogames of superheroes and one day playing a videogame about the Four Fantastic, the dog saw that one of the members of the team had the power to become invisible to the other people. the dog was awed when he saw him and decides to investigate how to learn that ability. The problems was that it was a very complicated task beacuase he would have to navigate all the galaxy looking for someone to teach him how to do this and he was a very lazy dog.

For this reason the dog decides to search on the Internet beacuse it was easier than navigate in the galaxy. He was surfing and found a page of the US Army where they give a lessons to learn the ability to become invisible but again the dog that was very lazy thought that take lessons was too boring and decides to continue with his search. This time the dog found a company that teaches to learn superpowers at home. the dog thought that it was perfect and called to the company to take that lessons.

When the teacher arrived to her house he was so excited and in a few time the dog learn the ability of become invisible. The dog that had much free time decides to travel to the Earth in his luxury starship to test their powers with the people. When the dog arrived to the earth the dog scared many people with his new power and thought that it was funny but three days later the dog got bored and how he was too lazy to return to her house in Mars decided to go to the William's house to sleep .


6 comments:

  1. jajajajaja, great story, is an excellent story, jajaja

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  2. Jajaja a dog that plays videogames, so funny and your dog is so beautiful.

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  3. I really like your story, I think that in a way is very similar to you, your lazy dog is so pretty too. I love Pucca.

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  4. Mistakes:

    - "that play"
    - "the Four Fantastic"
    - "and decides"
    - "beacuase"
    - "the dog decides"
    - "where they give a lessons"
    - "that take lessons"
    - "decides to continue"
    - "to take that lessons"
    - "the dog learn "
    - "of become invisible"
    - "free time decides to travel"
    - "to test their powers with the people."

    Mr William, your story is so funny and unexpected hahaha!

    I love the fact that you never know what is going to happen next, everything is like a mystery and the end was controversial.

    In addition, I like the photo of the dog, it must be great to have a dog with such powers hahaha! :)

    1. Character = You could have given a name to the dog, the real or invented to create a stronger connection with the reader.
    2. Challenge = Good described. .
    3. Motivation = Very good.
    4. Setting = OK.
    5. Obstacles = You described a lot the obstacles
    6. Climax = This was your main problem because you didn't include a true climax but you included many events.
    7. Ending = For me, the end was the most important because everything changed in a couple of seconds.


    Congratulations Mr, the story is easy to understand, you made some mistakes but more related to the tenses (present - past).

    Fantastic story, funny picture :D

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    Replies
    1. - a dog that played
      - the four fantastics
      - and decided
      - because
      - the dog decided
      - they gave lessons
      -that taking lessons
      - decided to continue
      - to taking that lessons
      - the dog learned
      -of becoming invisible
      - free time decided to travel
      - to test powers in the people

      Delete