The Dolphin Endless
There was once a man who had the property a circus and a little later received as a gift a dolphin, you saw him in an odd way because I knew I was going to impress viewers for its beauty, he as a good man who was supposed to be the call martin. Just received the dolphin it took place where he would spend the night while not working, where he met other friends but he knew that everyone could speak so as such as towards but nobody knew the next day would prepare a choreography while other animals in the circus he commented martin the kind of person who was the owner.
Martin did not stay stunned choice but to go ahead with the choreography and after they completed the performance arm themselves with a plan to give him the food after all they were doing because they knew that was rich for the acts and as pleasing to the viewers that night they planned a strike in order to receive food because we had several days without eating well.
The next day they had planned the place and that was the palm of the circus owner, dolphin and other animal friends did strike, and of course the owner was left terrified of what happened, and he thought they were simple animals that did not have the ability to speak as they did as humans. After this strike other animals were happy and wise dolphin had already served a mission for his life and the circus owner realized that they are human beings like you and was so and gave them a better deal to what it was before.
By: Majo Sierra
a good story...
ReplyDeleteMistakes:
ReplyDelete- "who had the property a circus"
- "you saw him in"
- "I knew I was going"
- "who was supposed to be the call martin"
- "so as such as towards but"
- "he commented martin"
- "we had several"
- ----> The second paragraph is a little bit confusing.
Dear Majo, I tried to understand your story but it was a little confusing because the order of the sentences is not the best. I liked the fact that you included all the given elements and the story was creative and you used a lot of imagination.
1. Character = You described more the owner of the circus than the dolphin itself.
2. Challenge = OK
3. Motivation = I didn't recognize a real motivation for Martin.
4. Setting = I got confused with how you included the "palm of the hand" of the owner
5 - 6. Obstacles + Climax = Everything was kinda easy for Martin, so there weren't real obstacles or a climax for him. Well, I think so.
7. Ending = Nice ending.
Majo, I think you have a creative mind but you have to organize more what you want to say.
Hugs!!!
who had the property a circus = one man had a circus
ReplyDeleteyou saw him in = he saw it in a strange way
i knew i was going = because he knew that would impress
who was supposed to be the call martin = he wanted to call martin
so as such as towards but = nobody knew they could talk
he commented martin = martin commented on the circus kind of person
we had several = because they had several days without eating