The
crazy sneider
This is the story of a crazy doctor named
Sneider. He was crazy, but he was also a very good doctor. One day, he decided
that he was finally tired of his sadness and bitter solitude so he decided to
travel to Cartagena city with the dream of finding an adorable and beautiful
girl on whom he could test all of his ridiculous scientific experiments.
Once
in Cartagena, he came across the perfect girl who most people would consider
ugly and unpleasant. But to the doctor, she was marvelous. In addition to being
called crazy, people began calling him "Blind Sneider" as he was the
only one who was not repulsed by the woman he found. However, Sneider was still
determined to win the heart of his true love by doing whatever he could. For
instance, he genetically modified a cat to become half cat, half dog.
Unfortunately, the cat side of his creation and the dog side always ended up
quarreling with one another.
After awhile of failure in obtaining the love
of the woman, the crazy doctor was finally successful in gaining her trust and
love. One day, following a day spent on the beaches of Cartagena which ended in
a beautiful sunset as they overlooked the ocean, they kissed for the first
time.
Now, because his original intention was
indeed to capture his love's heart, the doctor decided to take his favorite
scalpel and remove the heart of the woman with the swiftness of a single slice
across her bare skin. That same night, he sat solemnly at his table and wiped
his mouth with a napkin and licked his fingers after treating himself to a
delicious meal of roasted heart. He looked longingly at the leftovers on the
plate and said to himself, "I was right. True beauty really does come from
within."

Mr Cristian,
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I didn't find remarkable mistakes in your story, it was understandable and easy to read, it was short but you included a lot of elements in a good way.
Maybe, the only mistake I found was in the tile: The crazy sneider, because Sneider is a proper name.
1. Character = OK (I don't like the name ¬¬)
2. Challenge = OK
3. Motivation = OK
4. Setting = OK
5. Obstacles = Noticeable
6. Climax = I think you included this element magnificently.
7. Ending = Unexpected :O
Congratulations for your story and for complementing it with a great and creative drawing (and handsome of course!).
Well done!!!