Forgetful Princess
That such forgetful princess was in her school a little pensive looking outside the window and wondering how well it would be archieved a better world without salves and tohese evil realms. Suddenly his teacher ask thoughtful , she repried teacher apologize for anything.
Princess continued to thinking about how to improve and change the world comes up with a great idea, she thinks the world will not exchange alone or with the help of her but with everyone's input. decides to do some talks of reflection for all their school.
that princess who was so forgetful achieving your goal all the support and consientizaron about change should be done about the world, she felt very agusta with what had happened and continued this work speaking to many and spreading the word of what should be done to have a better world to our fingertips that you can work with'' all change, starting with little''.
By: Angie Villegas
Posted by: Teacher Jorge (with Angie's Permission)
Mistakes:
ReplyDelete- "archieved"
- "tohese"
- "his teacher ask"
- "she repried "
- "teacher apologize for anything." (confusing sentence)
- "Princess continued to thinking"
- "the world comes "
- "she thinks"
- "decides to do"
- "for all their "
- "achieving your goal"
- "consientizaron" (Spanish)
- "agusta " (Spanish)
Dear Angie,
The message for your story is amazing, it is very positive but I found some negative aspects: for example, you used translator because I found words in Spanish and that is not appropriate. In addition, the story is cute but I think you didn't develop the 7 elements I explained in the class.
1. Character = You didn't say much about the princess.
2. Challenge = You stated the challenge but you never developed it.
3. Motivation = The princess has a real motivation and this is something very important in your story
4. Setting = You don't say anything about the context.
5. Obstacles = Not included in the story
6. Climax = Not included in the story
7. Ending = Very positive message :)
As I said, it is a good story Angie but you forgot to include many elements :(
Now, you can correct the mistakes. Thank you!