Once upon a time was
a hunter named Peter; he had a big problem, that he always was sleeping or
sleepy. Peter was the best hunter in the Earth; he could destroy huge pests, or
kill ferocious species that endangered the people. One day, a statement arrived
to the Earth, the document was from the Aliens, and they were unhappy because
the people from the Earth were throwing toxic and deadliest gases to the
Galaxy, and this activity was harming the other planets. The Aliens were angry
and thinking in attack the Earth if the humans didn´t stop using all the
vehicles and machines that produced toxic and deadliest gases.
The entire planet
were scared and didn´t know what to do, then someone proposed that Peter was
the bravest man in the world, and he could the only that can confront any
specie known or unknown. When they went to wake up Peter, he listened all that
was happened and he said that he was going to help the Earth with this trouble.
Peter though in went and talks with the Aliens to establish an agreement, but
after, he had to build a vehicle that didn´t produce toxic or deadliest gases
to demonstrate that the mankind were talking seriously. After of all Peter was
going to take a nap. When Peter waked up, he was ready to build the vehicle, he
selected a bicycle that could fly making his journey more ecological, and
taking care to the environment of the galaxy; then he started the construction.
The bicycle was finished and worked very well; Peter was ready to the journey!
Peter traveled to the
intergalactic court, in his ingenious bicycle, he crossed many planets,
included Jupiter, Neptune, Mars, Saturn, between others; finally he arrived to
the court and he fell asleep in front of the council, they were annoyed of that
behavior but when he aroused, he explained all that happened in the Earth and
that the humans where disposed to reduce the emission of the toxic gases to
improve the situation in the galaxy; the court were in agreement and Peter returned
to the Earth in where he fall asleep again and when he aroused, he won a Nobel peace prize for that
demonstration of rudeness and courage, also he became a hero for save the Earth
of an Alien attack.
By: David Colorado.
Mistakes: - "Peter was the best hunter in the Earth "
ReplyDelete- "thinking in attack the Earth"
- "The entire planet were scared"
- "he could the only that can confront"
- "he listened all that was happened "
- "Peter though in went and talks with the Aliens"
- "the mankind were talking seriously"
- "When Peter waked up"
- "between others"
- "happened in the Earth"
- "he fall asleep again"
- "for save the Earth"
Now Mr, the idea is to correct these mistakes, it is not necessary to rewrite the story, you can reply on a different comment.
The story was great, Peter is a really brave man but the only thing he matters was sleeping... Lazy Peter :3....
1. Character = OK
2. Challenge = OK
3. Motivation = OK
4. Setting = OK
5. Obstacles = OK
6. Climax = I think everything was very easy for Peter and there is not a real climax for him and the story.
7. Ending = OK.
Thanks for your participation and great story. Now, your challenge is to correct the mistakes I wrote.
PS = You don't have to correct or re-post the story, you only have to tell me how to correct the mistakes on a comment. ^^
Peter is a ugly name jaja should be called Justin ♥☺, lies, is a nice story.☺
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete1. Thinking in attacking the Earth.
ReplyDelete2. All the people from the planet were scared.
3. He could be the only that can confront.
4.He listened all that were happened.
5.The mankind was talking seriosly.
6.When Peter woke up.
7. Among others.
8.Happened on the Earth.
9.He fell asleep again.
10.For saving the Earth.
11. Peter was the best hunter on Earth.
12. He listened all that had happened.