The Black Cheeseaholic!!
A long time ago in Tomerland half the city cought on fire and no one knew by who, everyone suspected it was the Black Ghost, since a few years ago he had suposedly caught on fire a madhouse with a lot of people, thats why people judged because since he was black he was bad, rude, and unfriendly, the truth is he didn't set fire to the madhouse since that was his home, for obvious reasons he was crazy, he had a desease thta made him see everything like it was made of cheese, his biggest accomplishment as to stop eating cheese since he was an addict.Days later this curious ghost found a beautiful woman with a huge secret, she was made of cheese and she could turn everything into cheese whenever she wanted to at whatever timeshe wanted to.The ghost and Nina (the cheese girl) fell in love disregarding their defects.
Many years later the unjust accusations towards the ghost were revoked since it was proved that he wasn't the one who put on fire the madhouse.
Nina and the Black Ghost after some years together went to live where the remains of the madhouse were since that was the ghost home for many years. The ghost had long time without eating cheese so he asked to the cheese girl (his girlfriend) if she could build a palace of cheese, in the end the ghost ate all of the palace and ate the cheese girl too and thats how the Black Ghost ended up alone and without living but HAPPY because he ATE CHEESE.¡THE END!
By: Laura Crespo
Mistakes:
ReplyDelete- "cought"
- "by who"
- "desease thta"
- "accomplishment as to stop"
- "timeshe wanted"
Dear Laura, I literally LOL with your story hahaha. You had few mistakes and the grammar was extraordinary, it was so easy to understand every sentence.
Fortunately, we are not made of cheese so we are not in danger of being eaten by the Black Ghost.
1. Character = You gave good information about Black Ghost.
2. Challenge = I think he couldn't stop his addiction :(
3. Motivation = Good!
4. Setting = very specific :)
5. Obstacles = For me, the Black Ghost didn't live a real difficult situation, he had a past but in the story you didn't tell something complicated for him.
6. Climax = All the difficulties were solved with no problem, so there is not a real climax in your story.
7. Ending = This part was fantastic.... brilliant haha!
I will definitely recommend your story, it made me laugh a lot :D
Correction
ReplyDelete1. the city caught on fire and no one knew
2. no one knew by whom
3. he had a desease that made him
4. his biggest accomplishment was to stop eating cheese
5. whatever time she wanted
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteJajajaja Lau a palace of cheese!? Really?...
ReplyDeleteI like the cheese but no too much, the ghost have a big problem xD